In case this has not made it to the ears of those who were watching me on dA, I have been recently diagnosed with a rather harsh internal bleeding condition with a 30% chance of dying if organ failure occurs (from Doctor's words). Where did it come from? I didn't even get into any sort of physical fight. It just turned out to be high volumes of stress that caused this, and this is what it can do to you, if you come from a family with high blood pressure. I never considered my physical body particularly fragile, because I've never treated it particularly well, nor do external circumstances, but this is just rather heavy.

The treatment I may end up receiving is surgery to repair the damage, if my bursted vessel does not heal completely within the next few days. The operation actually has a moderate amount of risk to it, too, disregarding the price of it all together, and I really don't want it to have to come to that.

30% chance of death is by no means overly high, but it is high enough to be concerned, and probably the closest to death I've ever been with some conscious decision lingering within the situation. The only other two times I've come close to death is when I nearly got hit by a bus in China or the time I nearly broke my neck (but instead, muscle tissue and not spinal cord was wrecked) in an acrobatic snowboarding accident.

I've been in so much indescribable pain in recent times. As the bleeding is located in my abdomen region, my digestive tract is been giving me hell every time food makes it to there and out the other end- I've been feeling alot of fatigue, near-fainting experiences, been crapping out blood, and excess dehydration.

I'm taking care of myself, and drinking, and taking it easy, though.

I consider myself very lucky. I've accomplished alot of things, and so many people care for me, it would be extremely selfish if I just gave up on my life because I would affect others, even though part of me would honestly not regret submitting to eternal sleep. The other half of me is trying to slap that with iron fists screaming at me that I have a promising and bright future ahead of me that hasn't arrived merely because I'm just not at that point yet and I'm not quite done with High School.

17 years may not be a particularly long span of time to live, but many stressful things have been happening to me in many shapes and forms, and it's far too hectic to sum up in any way. I can honestly say to other people I've probably experienced more than I've needed or ever wanted than the average teenager at this age in my lifetime, and for that, it would only be all the more unfortunate to pass away.

I really want to go to an art college. I've narrowed down my Undergraduate major selections to this, and in order of top to lower priority: Entertainment Design, Animation, Illustration.

If I fail at that, I'll just try being a doctor, and save other people's lives, lol.